Your Words Have More Impact Than You Think

Happy Friday!

Before we rush into the weekend, I want to share a little Friday thought with you.

I’m currently reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, and something I came across in Chapter 1 made me stop and think about the way we communicate with one another.

The chapter tells a story about the American writer Richard Harding Davis.

Someone once wrote to him and ended their letter with the words, “Dictated but not read.”

The writer meant the phrase to create the impression that they were busy and important.

But Davis saw things differently.

To him, the words came across as rude.

And that small interaction stayed with the writer of the story for years.

That got me thinking.

How often do we say something with one intention, while the other person receives it in a completely different way?

You might think you are helping someone.

You might think you are being honest.

You might think you are giving constructive feedback.

You might even think, “But I’m right!”

Yet the person receiving your words might walk away feeling embarrassed, criticised, dismissed or disrespected.

Your intention and someone else’s experience are not always the same thing.

Being right is only part of the conversation

This is one of the biggest lessons I took from this part of the book.

We often focus on what we want to say.

We think about the facts.

We think about our reasons.

We think about why our opinion makes sense.

But how often do we stop and think about how our words might land with the person listening?

Think about giving feedback to a colleague, speaking to a client, having a conversation with your partner, correcting your child, or even responding to someone online.

You might say:

“That's not the right way to do it.”

You might genuinely want to help.

But the other person might hear:

“You don't know what you're doing.”

Now compare that with:

“I think there’s another way we could approach this. Let’s look at it together.”

The message is still addressing the issue.

The difference is in the delivery.

One approach feels like a correction.

The other creates room for conversation.

People remember how you made them feel

This is the part I found particularly powerful.

A conversation might last two minutes, but the emotional impact of those two minutes might stay with someone for much longer.

Think about your own experiences.

Have you ever had someone say something to you years ago that you still remember?

You might not remember every word they used.

You might not even remember exactly what the conversation was about.

But you remember how you felt.

You remember feeling encouraged.

Or embarrassed.

Or valued.

Or dismissed.

Or respected.

Our words carry more weight than we sometimes realise.

That doesn't mean we should walk around afraid to speak honestly.

It means we should become more aware of how we communicate.

You don't have to hide your truth

For me, this is where the lesson becomes empowering.

Being mindful of people's feelings doesn't mean you have to agree with everyone.

It doesn't mean you should avoid difficult conversations.

It doesn't mean you should stay quiet when something needs to be addressed.

And it certainly doesn't mean you should make yourself smaller to keep everyone comfortable.

You can speak your truth.

You can set boundaries.

You can challenge someone's thinking.

You can give honest feedback.

You can disagree.

The difference is learning how to communicate your message with awareness, respect and purpose.

There is a big difference between speaking your truth and using your truth to hurt someone.

Before you speak, pause

One question from this chapter has stayed with me:

“Am I thinking only about what I want to say, or am I also thinking about how the other person might receive it?”

That small pause can change a conversation.

Before correcting someone, pause.

Before sending that message, pause.

Before responding when you're frustrated, pause.

Before giving feedback, pause.

Ask yourself what outcome you want.

Do you want to prove that you're right?

Or do you want to create understanding?

Sometimes those two goals require completely different approaches.

A Friday reminder

As we head into the weekend, perhaps this is something worth reflecting on.

Think about the conversations you've had this week.

Think about the people you've spoken to.

Think about your clients, colleagues, friends and family.

How did your words make them feel?

And how did their words make you feel?

Communication is a skill, and like any skill, we get better through awareness and practice.

Your words have more impact than you think.

So speak your truth.

Speak with confidence.

Speak with intention.

And remember that the way you communicate matters.

That’s my Friday thought for today.

Have you ever said something with good intentions, only for someone to receive it completely differently?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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